Private members' clubs

The nearest club to home, and the only one with a theatre in it: eight bars, three restaurants and a members' balcony over the KOKO stage, with 150 gigs a year thrown in.

The nearest in town: Georgian houses on Portman Square with a garden, a gym, bedrooms and a club in the vaults. No proposer needed.

A hotel, a public restaurant and a club in one Edwardian house on Grosvenor Square, dressed in red velvet. For the creative and the curious, it says of itself.

Maslow's first house: seven Art Deco floors in Fitzrovia with an Italian restaurant, a gym and a members' rooftop. The same membership as 1 Warwick, twelve minutes' walk away.

The first club from the Six Senses hotels, in the old Whiteleys department store: a lounge, a restaurant and desks, with a longevity clinic as the centrepiece.

The neighbourhood one: a Notting Hill townhouse from the Estelle family, with a vinyl bar, an izakaya for members and a restaurant downstairs that anyone can book.

Maslow's Soho house: desks, a gym and a rooftop restaurant in a Neo-Baroque mansion off Beak Street, on a membership that covers all three of its houses.

Founded in 1863 and still run like a club: a proposer, a seconder, a dress code. Down the street, Lanserhof adds the health side: a clinic with MRI and cardiology, diagnostics-led training, cryotherapy and fasting programmes, on a membership of its own.

For the wine above all: a cellar with members, where Robin Birley lists great bottles without the restaurant mark-up, opens your own for nothing and keeps twelve of them for you.

The most private of the Mayfair houses: seven floors, and a sticker over your phone camera at the door. Closed since late September while its licence is under review.

The one that started it, by Nick Jones in 1995. No longer the hardest door but by far the widest: ten Houses in London, 48 worldwide, and the Farmhouse on the full membership.

A golf club without a course: indoor practice built with tour players at No. 1 Fleet Street, with a gym and club rooms around it.

Wellness and nothing else: four floors under The Emory with a 22-metre pool, a physician and Tracy Anderson's classes.

New this autumn and the biggest club London has seen: seven storeys at Hyde Park Corner, with a nightclub open until three and a greasy spoon.

Maslow's newest house: two floors in The Kensington Building, at the door of High Street Kensington station, with a gym, a studio and a café built around nutrition.

The easy one: a hotel club in Shoreditch with a gym and a café to work in, joined by enquiry rather than election.

Nothing to apply for: Selfridges' private floor above Oxford Street opens to customers who spend their way to the top of its loyalty scheme.